N2P 034: Food Stamps, Escaping the Escape Room, and Stupid Dad Jokes

  • Number Two Cuz starts the show, and immediately has to leave the show to grab something.
  • Tello talks smack behind Lourdes’ back while she’s gone.
  • Lourdes got a fortune that read, “You always have the right answers, they just sometimes ask the wrong questions. Tello thinks that is the best description he’s ever heard of Number Two Cuz.
  • Tello searched for an old fortune in his wallet, but instead found an old food stamp from his childhood.
  • Lourdes and Tello fondly (and not so fondly) recount childhood memories of being on welfare and using food stamps. Tello holds on to one as a reminder of a time when his family hit rough times; a time to which Tello hopes to never return.
  • Number Two Cuz briefly mentions her conspiracy theory regarding welfare reform, but don’t fact check her.
  • Tello reminds Lourdes that they are quickly sneaking up on episode 50, and he would like a golden anniversary gift.
  • Lourdes admits to selfishly being happy that her daughter Pila didn’t place at the state tournament she competed in.
  • Pila broke the bad news to the family in a group chat which morphed into a competition of who woke up earlier that morning.
  • Tello offers words of encouragement – in his own way.
  • Lourdes’ husband wants to plan a vacation to Florida even though they won’t be going there for their daughter’s competition.
  • Tello calls out Number Two Cuz for not sending photos and videos that she was supposed to send so Tello could update www.campfyrepod.com/merch
  • Tello tells Lourdes that she’ll stop feeling like a failure when she stops acting like one.
  • Tello talks about how food is affecting his body now that he’s getting older. Garlic from a salad he ate for lunch and dinner gave him painful gas until he was able to crawl into bed and start farting.
  • Lourdes is disgusted by Tello’s farts, but Tello is disgusted by Lourdes’ phlegmy throat.
  • Number Two Cuz talks about her new blender and the healthy recipes she’s making with it using butternut or “better nut” squash.
  • It took Lourdes longer than the specified 30 to 45 minutes to complete the recipe, so she wasn’t able to eat her healthy soup the same night she made it.
  • Number Two Cuz tries to tempt Tello to eat meat on Fridays during Lent, but Tello misunderstands her suggestion.
  • Lourdes shares her healthy soup with her mother and cousins Julie and Agustin, but only Lourdes seemed to enjoy her healthy cooking.
  • Number Two Cuz confuses “purify” and “puree.”
  • Lourdes suggests a new healthy soup for Tello to try.
  • Tello and Lourdes aren’t sure what celery root is.
  • Lourdes thinks the “Vegetti” is related to female anatomy, and Tello plays along for a bit.
  • Tello explains to the audience what zoodles are.
  • Tello tried to make noodle-less Pho, but instead just made soup. It tasted more than kind of good.
  • Tello visited an escape room with some friends, and had one hour to try and solve clues that would free them from the room.
  • The escape room was a music themed room where all the clues are music related. Tello and his friends played the part of thieves working for a hacker who discovered that there was a lost, unreleased Aerosmith recording that they had to retrieve in order to escape the room.
  • Tello was really impressed by the setup and engineering of the escape room.
  • Lourdes and Tello imagine how funny it would be if they got their family to work together to escape an escape room.
  • Tello and Lourdes plan a few potential Easter games.
  • Tello laments how kids today don’t have the killer instinct to rush for pinata candy they way his generation did.
  • Tello remembers an incident at a school Halloween party when he lost his candy while breaking a pinata.
  • Lourdes thinks she’s a bad mother because she didn’t go to church with her daughters.
  • Number Two Cuz has to write a report about a religious figure, and Tello suggests that Lourdes should compare her mother to the religious figure.
  • Lourdes was shocked by the “What would you look like as the opposite sex” meme that her sister Phoebe posted.
  • Tello teased Phoebe by comparing her to fat Elvis.
  • Lourdes is distracted by her phone, and Tello calls her out on it.
  • Tello ends the show with some stupid dad jokes. Lourdes needs some of them explained, but everyone has a good laugh in the end.

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